This phrase from a Tibetan Buddhist master is (almost) a shortcut to mindfulness

After you read this paragraph, close your eyes for 30 seconds or so. Imagine a waterfall. With the image in your mind, ask yourself, where is the waterfall? Is it the water? Is it the rocks the water is flowing over? Is it the trees surrounding the rocks?

You probably landed on something like: all of those things together. That a waterfall can’t be boiled down to one essential thing is an example of emptiness, a concept fundamental to meditation.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to unpack what emptiness means. There’s a whole teaching called the Heart Sutra and probably hundreds of books for that. I mentioned it to introduce a much simpler teaching, which is one of my favorites: “real but not true.” I first heard it at one of Tara Brach’s Wednesday night talks in Bethesda, Maryland.

Tsokyni Rinpoche, a Tibetan Buddhist teacher, was speaking alongside Tara that night and he told a story about crossing an extremely high bridge in China that had a walkway made of glass. He was so wracked with fear that his body locked up and wouldn’t move. But then he realized that, though the fear was real, it wasn’t true. Hundreds of people were crossing the bridge in front of him. He likely wasn’t going to die. But he still felt afraid — the thoughts and emotions he was experiencing were as real as the breeze on his skin.

Another example: spiritual teacher David Deida tells a story of one of his teachers feeling jealous at a party as his wife is enjoying a conversation with another man. Deida sees the conversation happening and asks his teacher, “Aren’t you jealous?” His teacher responds, “Yes, but the fact that I’m jealous isn’t bothering me.” His teacher’s jealousy was real but not true.

“Real but not true” gives us the space to both notice our thoughts and emotions and acknowledge that they might not correspond with reality.

We spend so much time and effort trying to escape our feelings. Some of us numb them with a beer or a couple of bong rips. Some of us try to push them away by blaming others or holing up in our room. Some of us chase pleasure even if it never truly satisfies us.

The thing is, the longer and harder we try to escape, the more the feelings get bottled up, which only gives them more energy. Eventually, they come out, whether it’s a weekend-long drinking binge or a slow burn anxiety that you can’t shake.

Instead, we should try to feel the feelings, which is so simple that it’s difficult. Feeling them — letting them just be — takes some wind out of their sails, which helps us consciously choose how to express them.

Thinking the phrase “real but not true” can help you slow down and feel. You might not be able to find another job at the moment because you’re thousands of dollars in debt — but it’s still okay that you can’t stand your boss. The more you notice and accept your resentment the less you’ll feel the need to escape it after work with mindless TV and a six-pack of beer.

Meditation is practicing “real but not true” over and over again. Thoughts come up but you realize that they’re empty — they might be real to you, but they aren’t the truth of the present moment.

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