Wish you could show someone how much you appreciate them? Try meditating first.

There are many practical reasons to meditate, but the most practical is that it interrupts your self-consciousness.

Zen Buddhist monk Shunryu Suzuki went as far as saying, “The purpose of our [meditation] practice is to cut off the karmic spinning mind.” What he meant by karmic is your mind’s tendency to make you the center of the universe.

Karma is “cause and effect,” the reasons why what’s happening right now is happening, and the seeds being sown right now that will bloom in the future. Your “karmic spinning mind” creates a self — “I,” “me” — that these causes and effects revolve around.

This way of thinking is why we suffer, which is different than feeling mere pain. I can’t stress this difference enough. Pain is concrete, like being sick, getting hurt, or losing someone close. Suffering is the “second arrow” that you shoot at yourself, the additional layer of hurt that you put on top of pain when you make it all about you. You suffer when you blame yourself, or you blame someone else for picking you to hurt out of everyone else — when your mind is karmically spinning.

But suffering is the white noise of human life — it’s not always a big deal. The other day I helped my dad, who is getting up there in age, cut up and haul trees around my parents’ house. I had, for no particular reason, meditated for only 20 minutes that morning rather than my usual 30. The telltale signs of karmic spinning mind were there. I was self-conscious and had a hard time fully engaging with my dad and the work. I barely even noticed the sun’s warmth and the sounds and smells of the forest. I wasn’t present, wanting to just get through the day as fast as possible. But what added that little layer of suffering was blaming myself for skimping on meditation. I kept thinking, why can’t I just relax and enjoy this moment with my dad?

Who knows if meditation would’ve made difference? Maybe I was just having a bad day. But what I was grasping for, mindfulness, is exactly what meditation delivers.

Mindfulness is the ability to wake up to the present moment, over and over again. It’s the opposite of self-consciousness. It’s that little bit of freedom to stop worrying about yourself, to enjoy the moment, to apologize if you’ve hurt someone, or tell someone you appreciate or love them — all the stuff that feels to difficult when we’re feeling self-conscious.

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